lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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