These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
