I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
