She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize