I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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