Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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