i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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