He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
