I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
