Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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