Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
