Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
