i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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