Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
