i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i drank out of a bidet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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