he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
