They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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