i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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