4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
