Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He passed out mid-signature
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
