It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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