Someone shit on the floor
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
