There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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