So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
