The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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