Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
