the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
