I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
