Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
