Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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