one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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