I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
