well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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