I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
