Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
