WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
