Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
