Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
