i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
