I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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