youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
