I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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