My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i out mim tonsoeep
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
