Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
