Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
