im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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