hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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