Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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