what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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