Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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