On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
