From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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