I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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