I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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