No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
