I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
