Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
