My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
